There is a saying, i initially used to believe it was kind of stupid, but when the incidents of the previous week went past me, i realized that it did make sense. Well the saying goes like this, “If you truly love someone set them free, if that person comes back to you, it was always your love, otherwise move on!”. Not exactly how the saying should have been, but today i can only hope that such a saying does exist and under some mysterious circumstances the person comes back to me. Anyways this time around am going to present a piece out of of my own life, and the moment went the earth stood still for me the day i spoke to her on the phone…………..
Its those moments when you find yourself wondering about something that you yourself aren’t sure of. Amidst the confusion a smile(sweet misery i’d call it) lands on my face and BANG! its the beginning of something which i would never have expected. Usually the kind of person i happened to be, i do not intend to read much into things possibly connected to love. So far never been in love, but honestly speaking had crushes, but for me Love was the big one and i waited until i actually felt it(you can’t hurry love, you just have to wait, you get it just in time no matter how long it takes). Well, then this must have been such a thing that i couldn’t help but write about it. Most certainly the person in question who was responsible for the kind of impact that dismantled my equilibrium isn’t even aware of it, not one bit. The best part is it all began when it was destined to end a few days after we spoke. So the best part is i haven’t yet seen her with my own pair of twin eyes(well including the spectacles ofcourse) the person whom i felt i knew for ages and unbelievably had a magical influence on me. The best part is she was 3 years older to me, in fact a reason that left me far behind the line where love could begin.
Just a simple co-incidence, that’s not how i would like to call our rendezvous. It was stupid, idiotic, crazy and all she could make out at the end of it was that i am weird(well that’s how i am). I was awestruck to hear her voice, it had a different kind of feel, tone and something which i never allowed to fall on my ears so long and so far.I immediately got a feeling where was she for such a long long time. We might have been complete strangers but my heart said we definitely had a connection. It wasn’t something that happens with me each time i speak to a girl or be it anyone i know or don’t know. This was something totally different, i haven’t yet been able to put it into proper words of what this undefined thing could be.
From what i could make, she just loved to talk, and talking was something i just loved. For a long while something of this magnitude hadn’t happened with me, and i was like what the FUCK happened to me now! Not complicating the situation any further, i realized that whatever this strong feeling for a total stranger whom i found so familiar with and also the one whom i haven’t seen cannot be LOVE! But the more i thought so, the more i fell for her.
That is when after a couple of days we spoke for the second time and perhaps the last time, a duration of almost an hour seemed insufficient amount of time for me, as i wished i could go on and on, since i found her laughing, giggling and enjoying the length of our conversation. I could definitely do all i can to always achieve that feat that sees her away from the gloom she might have encountered. If that requires me to be weird, well am glad i am.
So far i was single & a happy-go-lucky kinda guy going smooth in life away from the sights of cupid. This time i felt she was the one for sure(i got this feeling before on one occasion, but later i laughed at myself since love had high regards for me, but she cannot be it, so better off i stayed away from such thought unless i was completely sure of). She was definitely someone i would want to spend the rest of my life with and that too happily. I still cannot explain the vibes i felt from her, it was something different, in totality all i can say is she gave me that particular feeling that i have never felt for anyone. I don’t know why despite not knowing or having seen her, i understood her so well, like i knew her for ages. I don’t know why but i realized that she had her own insecurities, she had her own world which rarely anybody could understand. It seriously didn’t matter to me to have not met her in person or to have witnessed as to how she might be looking like, all that made me the happiest person on the planet was the simple fact that i spoke to the person that i found exactly on the same page as of me. She was simple, i mean way way way way simple. I was like if there is someone i could do anything for, it would be her(alright lets face it on realistic and practical terms i can push my limits to achieve whatever that makes her smile and most importantly in return make me the happiest).
Well the time arrived where things had to end and the saying which i said in the beginning was to take its course. A mutual friend of ours(due to whom i was able to speak to her) who knew her for a longer time than me, called me up. She broke my heart as well saved me from getting deeper into something which had nothing for me. Since this was all about the effect of love on me for perhaps the first time, i am unable to let her reasons out in the open for everyone, as to why it all eventually had to end. That day i decided, i was not going to call her or even text her, more than it would have disappointed her it would have disappointed me. She still remains close to my heart, all i can say about the conversation i had with the mutual friend, was that i realized that she was extremely beautiful, and quite tall, and not only me any guy could fall in love with her at the sight of her. I then realized that i hadn’t even seen her. But now it still didn’t matter to me, the fact that how beautiful she might have been. She will be a sweet memory that is all i can say.
All i could still manage was to put a smile on my face, for the fact that at least i lived my dreams of hearing the voice of the person whom i would want to fall in love with. So what i couldn’t savor the beauty that she is. But i was happy that at least we spoke, not once but twice. Today it has been a week since i stopped texting or even called her. I know its no use, and i don’t regret. I still don’t know how she must have been, or whether she must have thought about me, i would have loved to see how she was, her eyes, her hair, her smile, her laughs, when she blushed, when she was angry. But i dearly wish that she is happy and want her dreams to see the light of the day.
There is no way, i am going to ever keep any contacts with her, because i realized, there was a certain level of discomfort in the whole thing. I have set her free, and just want her to be free, free until she learns to fly and reaches her destination. As for me love is something i had never wanted to be in, as i thought it was love, i realized it was beyond the horizon……… Fare thee well……!!!