Politics of the Zombies!


Politically correct sometimes refers to being Politically "Zombie".

(Disclaimer:The following is a pure work of non-sensical philosophy which bears not a single amount of resemblance to any possibly related thing. A satirical look on the political scenario about a coming of age Pakistan, where a young and newly elected MP for Minister of State for Foreign Affairs in Pakistan goofs up a statement which he makes on “War” and the misinterpretation may cost him his job, the politics which follows around cannot be possibly justified though the titles says it all. The language used might be objectionable as far as politics is considered and the ethos of the nationality of a country(Pakistan) is concerned, but this is a futuristic political fiction drama which necessarily does not imply anything at all. Note that the language is highly offensive, the character Mr.Noorani was tailor-made for mouthing cuss words, in no way this be made into an issue about being abusive, it is a work of fiction.)


You worry about the unkindliest of the neurotic beings that happen to walk freely in this world without being called zombies, the highway that leads to the parliament, that must be difficult, even then its a pleasure meeting you, Mr Noorani, i am…….” the words that came out of the newly appointed special advisor for Minister of State for Foreign Affairs, that was Mr Aseem Khan. This new guy just joined office today, and he looked every bit unfit for the job as far his health was concerned a blow of breeze would snatch the life out of him, as far as his mind was concerned it minted bullshit every fifteen minutes, a problem he encountered the day he watched the bollywood film by Aamir Khan Ghajini. His name was kashmiray ul-haq and he was very badly welcomed by Mr.Noorani who happened to be the Director of Communications for the prime minister and also looks after the members of parliament and their election campaigning. Mr.Noorani shouted back “What of you Motherfucker, how did you get the fucking balls to speak those fucking-jane-fucking-austen-thoughts of yours, this is not a fucking fairy tale, where cindrella is a slut and begging for cocks to serve her, get to work you dildo, not a word till i say you son of a cocksucker”.

In political lingo, "WAR" has got different dimensions!

Introducing Mr.Noorani, an outspoken minister who controls the speeches of every minister in the cabinet, specially the Minister of State for Foreign Affairs , since the statement he has to make has to be globally accepted on an international level without causing any trouble. Despite the fact he controlled speeches, he never controlled his own, the mouthful bounty served to Kasmiray ul-haq was just a slice of how he is when he is normal at work. There is another reason for his cuss-words-in-their-full-glory state, that is because the new minister of foreign affair did some unthinkable statement making at a press conference, something which was highly misquoted, something which he spoke on war. Definitely something which went beyond the limits that Mr.Noorani had set for Aseem Khan, the minister.


A day ago………………………


A media person asked, “What is your views on War amongst “Nations”? Well the media person did stress on the words nations to get an expected reply or rather a provoking guesture. The new minister was up to face the media and he spoke in reply to the question, “I believe…. it is…. an unnatural thing and…..” he was taking some pauses in between to frame his words in a proper manner as to arrive at something which he wishes to convey(with a good-intention) “in its very fabric….. of ….. of …. nature, something truly and highly unwanted”. “……………Unnecessary spate of events contributing…… themselves…… miserably to the…… alliance of a disturbed state of mind and a state of mind which is…… um….. very sure about being evil”. By now it was quite unclear what he meant and he himself was getting confused by what he was saying, but he had to finish it so he went on… “I support my theory by stating this fact that war is a totally misinterpreted dilemma which has an ulterior motive which nobody tries to understand and that i believe needs to be focussed on as its very important, we should not be afraid of Wars”. This longish statement had made the minister quite beaming with joy and made him feel like a boy who just had sex with a whore whom he fooled by bargaining for an amount which was quite less according to him.

But just as the statement made into its headlines in the newspapers the other day, the statement he made was highly misquoted and rather than going against the war, the statement sounded like a necessity to have a war to understand the nature of them. It was as if his statement sounded like some kind of experiments that needs to be done so as to understand them. This misinterpretation had drew much flak and his reputation as a minister of foreign affairs was at stake. This was just the beginning of the worst phase of Mr.Aseem Khan as the statement created quite a stir in India as well and as much that the minister at the indian counterpart said, “I believe our friend needs to play safe, experimentation on an irrevokable thing is like playing with fire, there is only one conclusion —- DEATH”. There was a political tension all across Pakistan. This is where Mr.Noorani steps in to save the drowning ship.

“Do you have any fucking idea about what you said to the fucking media yesterday”.

“Yes, i believe i was asked to make a statement on Wars and i happen to phrase it quite rightly i suppose and at the same time by being politically correct just the way you had told us, i remember being politically correct” and after saying this Mr.Aseem Khan gave a smile of satisfaction as if he had indeed done it correctly.

“Well… here’s some fucking news for you, badass. The fucking people out there are probably percieving it as a fucking idiotic statement, they believe that you are on an experimental terms with war, Oh gimme a break…… was your ass riding on a horse cock when you opened your fucking cocksucking mouth of yours to cum bullshit after bullshit of your statement-making spree, you have earned a fucking reputation of “the pain” in this country’s a…..”.

Before Mr.Noorani finished, the minister interrupted, “Okay, look i am sorry, i was a little excited to speak, i did not mean what i said, i didn’t have the slightest idea that this would go so far, and stop embarassing me, and i don’t like horse cocks okay, and plus i am not a gay, and i can fix things, i mean we can fix things, i believe”.

“You ass, you should be running for covers, the statements you made about war is already spreading like the “fucking disease” spreads, and your fucking chances of winning are as less likely as Paris hilton growing boobs”.

“Don’t bring her here, i get nervous, i promise i shall not screw things tomorrow, call me a press conference i will clear matters before they get worse”.

“Lets see what you do tomorrow, pervert!”


The next day………………………..

The media shoots again…” Do you stand by the statement you made earlier about war?”. “Well, um…… yes, i believe……… i was misquoted, when i said to improve matters, War needs to be understood, where i actually meant was in order to get to the root of matters, we need to get into the core of it, from where it all begins, It is like climbing Mt.Everest, difficult but not impossible and ……. and……. we need to conquer……… war, we….. we….. need to climb the mountain of conflicts to understand the nature of them”. Just as the statement was made, the minister once again was quite happy with himself and this time he felt like he just recieved a good blowjob.

Avoid climbing "the mountain fo conflicts"

Kasmiray Ul-haq the minister’s advisor said, “Well, that answer was really a blowjob”.

The minister got startled to hear that word which he thought of just a moment ago and said, “What the fuck? huh!?”.

“Yes, like a blowjob… i mean the words the way they were flowing in and out of your mouth, you could……… like beat a professional cocksucker, i think that is really awesome way to give a……”.

The minister cut him short and with a disgust tried to complete his advisor’s unfinished sentence, “A blowjob!?”

“No. Sir i meant to say a statement, i never thought about that”.

“About what?”

“That you may want to give a blowjob”.

“Oh shut up! now don’t piss me off”.

“Okay, sir i won’t, but in first place i wasn’t at all pissing you, i think so”.

“Will you just shut your mouth, connect me to Noorani, i want to know his reactions”.

At the minister’s office…………

“Welcome, little fuckers…., you blew it again this time you just confirmed that the statement you made was actually to provoke a war amongst nations”.

“Well, but i never said India, i was conscious not to be misheard, i tried to be politically correct, what is wrong with that?”.

“That was a pathetic fuck, you sick dick, i got a phone call from the prime minister, he is under the pressure to send you marching orders, now your fucking days of being a minister of the new-age Pakistan is practically over”.

“No… don’t say that, my days have just begun here…….. i don’t want to go home, please do something”.

Mr.Noorani did help as he could to try and save an honest minister from getting misinterpreted. But he could not save his ass. Mr. Aseem Khan on the request of Mr.Noorani gave his own resignation just to save the humiliation of getting suspended and making it into a more horrible political scenario. A new minister is now appointed at his place. As for Mr. Ul-haq he too had to leave office, and before going his single act of bravery infront of Mr.Noorani backfired so badly that his middle finger on both his hands got fractured, Now Mr.Ul-haq can possibly not show his middle finger to anyone. This was just a piece of a politics that happens away from the eyes of a normal man, the citizens who despite having amazing amounts of failures in their personal life at the end of the day look up to the government to fix things up, to be righteous and to end all their worries, but little do they know that all the ministers inside are pretty fucked up, and what they play with their nation is nothing but the Politics of the Zombies!

Politics is most often played by people who are rather........



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  2. Britney D'mello · April 1, 2012

    OH My GOD! where do you get such ideas? This is fucking hilarious, humorous, and witty. Love the dark humor……

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