The feeling that never goes away


From childhood, I loved arguing with people (politely), debate was my interest and have been involved for a long time. After reaching college the opportunities for a formal debate was quite less for me, I guess in TN, India engineering institutions gave more importance to technical presentations more than anything else, so basically i started loosing the touch. That’s when i started searching sites for online debates, Times of India has got a good debate list, so i go there much often. One of the topics that caught my eye was ‘Has focus on professional education killed the love for language’. I was like, what hasn’t professional education killed yet? pretty much of our lives are killed by professional education even though the irony is the fact that it is supposed to make our lives better. We have got so engrossed with education, career, professionalism, ethics, job that we forget ourselves, basically we leave out our life to enter a new one, like the snake that sheds its skin.

I have this feeling inside me that is not going away, I have tried hard but it remains, and shows up every now and then, a feeling which combines an mixture of hopelessness and guilt. Guilt for the fact that I am not doing what make me happy. This feeling has been inside me for a long time and I really have no idea when it will go away, i guess maybe when I will be happy it will go away, till then i have to struggle and live with the life I have, hoping that in

the future I might be able to do what I like to do the most, till then I have to make friends or you can say companionship with the feeling I have. Pretty much like Dexter does with his ‘dark passenger‘ only that mine is not as dark as Dexters. This feeling rises when you go out of the happiness zone, when life doesn’t turn out to be the way you wanted. Sure life is never like you want, but at least a little bit of what you expected. It also rises when suddenly you realize that life isn’t cheerful anymore and that now you have to struggle. The day you realize that life isn’t as easy as it seems and that life wont turn out the way you want. I know It, when I realized that, life was happy un till things got serious, people started competing, life became a race where you only stand if you perform better, education became a competition rather than learning. People don’t go to learn, they go to compete and benchmark. I feel sorry for the kids of my younger generation, as the competition has gone to a much higher level than what I had. This gives them less chance to pursue their dreams and their happiness snatched from them.

Sometimes I feel that an injustice is done to the kids in their childhood as they don’t know what is yet to come. I imagine a scenario where the small kid walks to his parent and says, “ I want to be a martial artist like bruce lee” & the parent says, “Oh sure you will”. ten years later when the boy comes and says the same thing, the parent says, “ Son are you sure you want to become an martial artist? its not like you dreamed it to be” thats when you hear a shattering sound in your ears, the shattering of your dreams. Ultimately, money is what it comes to, people are measured in three terms, viz. pay, status, education. This is the story of an average person, in the commotion of education, job, family, responsibilities & duties he has to sacrifice his dreams. I have seen people saying, ‘do what makes you happy’, but i haven’t seen a preacher who practices, so if there are people out there who actually do what makes them happy, I really respect them for the fact that they did what they are happy doing, in spite of all the barriers they faced.

In a country like India, the culture unlike other nations are quite ‘family & society’ oriented, so no matter what problems we face, whether other people in the society care if we ever come on the streets, we always want to make a good name in the society, so every decision we take must satisfy the ethics of family and society, so an ideal boy, needs to have proper formal education, then graduation in a ‘society favorable degree‘ get into a good job, good position, marry a girl, start a family, and their offsprings would do the same, for a girl its almost the same, thing is whether she should get into a job, or get married after college, that decision varies from family, to family. So like an ideal boy, living up to his family name, doesn’t enjoy his life, struggles with an hope that his life will be better in the future, but the catch is that the future is uncertain and the only thing you have control is the present, which apparently you are handicapped to take any decision to rupture your family status. After all you parents have a lot of hopes on you. At this point i remember the best line of the movie hunger games where president snow says to crane: “ Hope is what outcomes fear, a little hope is effective, while a lot of hope is dangerous”. That made me think of the dangerous stand parents have on their children. Ultimately they all face the same problem as I face, ‘the feeling’ that makes us miserable, makes us feel like a defeated soldier in war. Makes him confuse and makes him lazy enough to curb him from doing any sort of work, I know that because I have experienced it, lot of times.

I know the future uncertain, but I will take my chances and with a ‘little‘ hope I move forward towards a happy future and get rid of the feeling that never goes away.
– Phenomenon

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2 comments

  1. Phenomenon · October 11, 2012

    hmmmm……what makes me happy….
    The second picture says it all….. 🙂

  2. Alarna Rose Gray · October 11, 2012

    This is serious stuff! I, too, wonder about if it is right to encourage kids to follow their dreams, when the reality of the world makes this tough to do. And yet, what is the point off starting them off without aspiration for a better world, or way of being? Nothing happens without a vision, first… So now I have to ask, what is it that you would do that makes you happy?

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